I’ve been thinking about… self-control

I’ve been thinking about self-control a lot lately, and noticing areas in my life where I have excellent self-control and other areas where my self-control is a little lacking. It’s been an interesting experience.

For example, I have excellent self-control when it comes to a commitment I’ve made to someone else. At work, I always get everything done that I’m supposed to. Always. In school, I would work my tail off to make sure I met a deadline for a class and that I kept up on the reading, even if no one else in the class seemed to be doing so. Once I make a commitment to do something and I’m accountable to someone else, I will bust my butt to make sure it gets done on time.

I’ve noticed that often, however, when it comes to commitments to myself, they don’t always get kept like that. Oh, don’t get me wrong. There are a LOT of self commitments that I keep 100%. But others… not so much.

For example, I’ve been trying a new system to limit my time online, watching TV, etc. I have to earn my time to do that by doing things that I sometimes have trouble making myself do or that I want to do more consistently, like writing in my blog, getting to bed on time, or working on my novel everyday. The only problem? I wasn’t holding myself accountable to it. If I used up more time than I actually earned, I’d just make some sort of excuse or justification. Not exactly a great moment of self-control as I gave in to what I wanted to do in the moment that was easy (watch a TV show) instead of doing what would benefit me more in the long run (working on my novel). And there were no real consequences for my actions.

Today, I decided that was going to change. Yes, yesterday I used up more time than I’d earned. But tonight, I’m not going to put myself deeper in the hole. Instead, I can’t surf the internet or watch TV until I’ve not only earned the time, but I’ve paid back what I went over. And you know what? It actually feels really good. It’s nice to know that I’m in charge of me. I don’t have to give in to my whims. And I’ve gotten a lot done.

It makes me wonder what other areas of my life could use a little more self-control and what kind of difference it would make. What could I accomplish in the rest of my life if I could learn, right now, to make myself accountable to, well, me? To control what I wanted to do in the moment and put it aside for what I want in the long run? Powerful stuff, here.

I found a few quotes that I wanted to share and I think end with. Food for thought, as it were, said far better than I could say it. Enjoy!

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~Brian Tracy (American TV show host)

“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.” ~Seneca (Roman philosopher)

“The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” Alfred, Lord Tennyson (English poet)

“Twenty Seconds of Insane Courage”

This past week I saw We Bought a Zoo for the first time. In the movie, the main character, Benjamin Mee, said something that really got me thinking. He said, “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” Powerful words.

Looking back on my life, I can see how I used/use this ALL the time. I’m pretty quiet and talking to people I don’t know isn’t always easy for me. But if I can take a deep breath and take the twenty second plunge, it almost always turns out well. Twenty seconds of insane courage (for me) signed me up for a writing conference where I knew no one and I went by myself. It turned out to be one of the greatest things I’ve done for myself as writer.

This even applies to my tendency to avoid. If I just sit down and start whatever it is I’m avoiding, that twenty seconds of courage to face whatever reason is behind my avoidance, I usually end up finishing whatever it is I’m avoiding. This is much better than the guilt and anxiety of avoiding. But it takes that first twenty seconds to get over the avoiding/procrastination hump.

Ironically, I even had this apply the night I went to watch the movie. The person who invited me to their house to watch it was someone I knew from church, but not well. I debated not going. I was tired. It could be awkward. I should just stay home.

But then I thought about how much I wanted to make friends here and how if I never took a risk of some awkwardness, it would never happen. So I summoned up some courage and sent a text asking for the address of the house where the movie night was at. And I went and had a fantastic time. I feel like I have friends now. It never would have happened without those first twenty seconds of courage when I sent that text.

It’s gotten me thinking about what other opportunities are out there for the taking if I could just dive in with those twenty seconds of courage to get me going. Seriously, what could I accomplish if I had just twenty seconds of courage?

Based on what’s happened in the past week I’ve tried to apply this, I can honestly say I think I could, can, and will accomplish anything with those “twenty seconds of insane courage… twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery.”

What could you accomplish by applying this to your life?

Long time no posting

Hmm. I suppose this is what happens when you get really tired, are out of town two weekends in a row, and get sick. No posting.

This is also what happens when you get hooked on Doctor Who and get to seasons five and six. Those two season are really one big movie, which makes it really hard to stop watching. It’s like a book that you just can’t put down because you have to see what happens next. However, I finally finished and I have to say, I think Doctor Who  is easily my favorite TV show of all time. It deserves it’s own post someday. I’ll have to get on that.

In the meantime, I’ve also been doing a lot of training at work as I figure out my new job/promotion and it’s been sucking a lot of my brain power. I’m starting to get into a groove though, so it doesn’t take so much thought to get things done every day. And that will leave more energy to write!

It’s odd. I think of myself as a writer. That’s eventually what I want to do full-time. Yet for the past month, I haven’t really written anything. I guess I fell into a slump where I didn’t want to bother doing what I love most. I hit some hard bits and fell off the wagon. But I think the break was good in some ways. Now I feel like I’m ready to jump back and really write a lot. Sometimes I think I need that time and space to step back and catch my breath and distance myself from what I’m writing a little before I start up again.

Anyway, there’s some random thoughts for you. Next week I should have a little more of an organized post.

I’ve been thinking about… solitude and managing time

I know, it’s a rather odd thing to be thinking about, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I just moved away from home into an apartment with two roommates who aren’t really home very much. I don’t have a lot of friends in my new hometown yet, so I’ve been spending a lot of time alone.

This has its pluses and minuses. Pluses, I can do pretty much what I want when I want. Minuses is after a while it gets lonely.

I’ve been thinking about how this relates to writing as well. At its heart, writing is a solitary activity. Me, the characters in my head, and my computer. No one else is involved until I get to the alpha reader stage. (Big shout out to my alpha readers, who are amazing! Thank you, Mom and Lauren!) So one would think that with all this time alone, I’d be a writing machine. It’s turned out to be a bit more complicated than that.

You see, being so much in control of my own time has taught me that my time management skills are really rusty. For the first time, I don’t have school or family commitments to worry about and manage my day around. Once I’m home from work, my time is mine, to do with as I please. I do have some commitments, mainly with my church and recently with LTUE. (I’ve joined the planning committee. I’m super excited about that!) But on the whole, my time is free to do with as I please.

Each Sunday, I sit down and plan out my week: what I need to do, some of the things I want to do, etc. And usually how it goes is Monday I’m pretty productive, Tuesday still pretty productive, and somewhere around Wednesday or Thursday my productivity gets shot so that by the weekend I’m scrambling to get caught up or things just don’t get done.

What I’ve discovered is because I’m alone so much and have so few outside commitments on my time, I rationalize that I’ll have time later to do things. Or I start to fill my time with fillers that are fun but aren’t really moving me toward my goals because I want to escape from day-to-day life or I feel like I’m too tired to do whatever more important things I had planned. Solitude right now is proving to be a huge hinderance to my writing, which is the exact opposite of what I thought would happen.

Then again, it’s happened this way before. Last school year, I had huge chunks of time where I was at home alone during the day and I expected to get a lot of writing and such done. Instead, I found myself surfing the net, playing video games, and generally doing things that, while fun, weren’t exactly the best use of my time.

So what is a writer to do? How can I use the fact that I have so much time on my hands because of my solitude to move me toward my goals instead of hindering them?

First off, I need to accept that my new reality is different from my old one and adjust accordingly. I may have more time in some ways, but I also have new responsibilities and new goals that can and should fill at least part of that time.

Second, I need to spread out my to do’s and my expectations a little more. Mondays tend to be super productive in part because over the weekend I get sick of the fact that I was so lazy and want to get back on track and get a lot done. Usually that means I don’t have too much play time on Mondays or Tuesdays, so I exhausted by Wednesday or Thursday and just want to collapse and do nothing. And I usually do, which leads to catching up/continued laziness through the weekend, and by Sunday I frustrated with myself, leading to Monday… You get the picture. So I think if I step back and don’t try to cram quite as many to do items into each day and allow some time to just relax and have fun I’d be more likely to actually stick with my plan for the week. Sure, I may not get everything done, but I’ll be more relaxed and happy throughout the week.

Third, notice my up and down times and use them accordingly. For example, after work I’m usually ready for a nap or to just chill for a while. Later in the evening, about 7 to 8 or so, I’m more awake and ready to tackle something. My brain insists, however, that after work is the time to tackle chores and writing and such, and later in the evening is for relaxing. I’m pretty sure that I need to tell that voice in my brain to shut up. I think for me, I would function better if I allowed myself time to relax and unwind or even take a nap after work. The trick is to set a timer or something and stop when it goes off, or I’ll have a day like yesterday where I was reading to unwind, and suddenly it was 6:30 and I hadn’t even started dinner yet. But if I set a timer, when the timer goes off it’s time to get up and make dinner or write or start on chores or something. Then when I’m more awake after dinner, I can do some of the things that take a little more brain power, like writing or budgeting or whatever.

Fourth, remember to be flexible, but also be prepared. And example of this is my last two Saturdays where a large chunk of the day was spent waiting for my car to be fixed. The first Saturday, I was expecting a short repair and so only came prepared with a book. The book was finished long before the repair was. I didn’t even have a notebook or anything so I could use that time to write. It was frustrating.

The second time I went, I took my laptop and was able to write in my journal (which is on my computer), work on my novel, and take care of some other things. This was a much better approach and one that I can use in other parts of my life. Life is going to happen and it’s going to throw things at me I’m not expecting. But if I’m prepared, then instead of being frustrating roadblocks, they can become time well used. I can start carrying a notebook to write in with me, for example. If I get stuck waiting somewhere, I can always write. I can learn to just let some things slide for the time being, knowing that when things settle down I can pick them back up again.

Anyway, those are just some random thoughts that have been rolling around in my brain. This is one of the things I love about writing. The very act of putting my thoughts on the page or screen lets me see more clearly and helps me understand what I should do and what I’m really worrying about. Hopefully my thoughts can help some of you as well!

Next blog post I’m going to talk about an idea that I was introduced to via the podcast Writing Excuses. So if you’d like to listen to the podcast that inspired this blog post, you can listen to it here. See you next time!

I’ve been thinking about… disruptions

Specifically, how disruptions to one’s routine, surroundings, or life in general can really get in the way of doing the important things.

Case in point: my life these past few weeks. In the past three weeks or so, my life seems like it’s been a constant set of disruptions. I moved, started a new job, took on the responsibilities of living on one’s own and adulthood, and did a lot of traveling back and forth between my old home and my new one to attend my sister’s high school graduation and my brother’s wedding and all the stuff that came with those events. These were all good things and I have no regrets about doing them.

What this meant, however, is that my normal routines were completely destroyed. I had to adjust to a new surroundings and a new schedule that kept getting interrupted by trips back home. In fact, it wasn’t until yesterday that I had actually spent a full, uninterrupted by trips back home week in my new place. Now that that’s occurred, I’m starting to get settled in a little more, figure out the new norm and routine, and things are settling back into place.

For that couple of weeks when there was really nothing more than just trying to get by day to day, I realized the importance of routines like I never had before. I didn’t really get any writing done (which I’m sure you noticed, since that also meant no real blog posts) and a lot of other things that normally are important to me went by the wayside as I either gave in to the urge to explore my new city or collapsed in exhaustion and chose the easy path of being entertained by the internet or a movie or TV show.

Then Sunday, I finally got completely sick of living that way and sat down and made some goals. I made a weekly plan and a list of things I would do every day. I looked at what was really important to me, and tried to figure out how I could fit that in to the limited hours I have after work. Am I sticking completely to that plan? No. Am I getting more done than I was before? Yes. Is it all still a work in progress? Absolutely. But there is progress, and that’s what really counts.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m realizing how well I work when there’s some sort of routine and that sometimes I work too well when there’s a routine. I recently noticed, for example, that when I get online I tend to do the same things in the same order. Read my comics, check Twitter and Facebook, see if anyone’s posted comments to my blog, check my e-mail, check Pintrest, and then check a few blogs and other things I follow. Good, right?

Well, except for the fact that all of that sometimes takes well over an hour. Depending on what I find in the way of interesting articles and such, it can take a couple of hours. And that’s a couple of hours of my life I could be writing or doing something that’s far more important to me. I’ve created an internet routine that is sucking time out of my life. That’s not a good routine.

On the other hand, I’m trying to create a pattern to my week so I know when I will have time to do things. Wednesday, for example, is my night to work on my blog and have a movie night if I have the time and feel so inclined. Tuesday is my night to go to my institute class (a wide variety of religion class offered to college students by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and to run errands, like doing my grocery shopping and going to the library. Monday and Saturday are my major cleaning days. This is a good routine, and one that will actually give me time back as I won’t be running errands all the time or trying to figure out how to fit something in. And this new routine is one that I probably wouldn’t have created if I hadn’t disrupted the rut of sorts I was in by moving. And having less time due to the disruption of my new job has really alerted me that I need to change my internet routines.

I suppose the point of this post is disruptions do one of two things (sometimes at the same time): they prevent us from doing things we want or intend to do, or they show us things that need to change or can be improved upon. The question is, when disruptions enter our lives, which are we letting them do to us? Do we view them as merely an interruption, or do we take the time to step back and take a look at what’s going on and see if the disruption is a signal or opportunity to change?

Anyway, that’s what’s been on my brain lately.